Another sad day

Found out on Sept 5th that I was pregnant again and I was excited but guarded due to what happened last time. I waited a couple of weeks to call the dr. and get an appointment. I went in on Friday and they saw the sac, but no baby. They think my dates are wrong.... maybe its just really small. There are two things it could be they said.... dates wrong, or a blighted ovum. A blighted ovum is when the fertalized egg implants and starts to grow, but stops. The body still thinks you are pregnant and starts the placenta and everything.... there is just no baby. I am supposed to go back in on Oct 5th, but I started bleeding yesterday. So I think we are miscarrying. I thought it would not be that hard since it was so early on and it never really grew anyway, but I broke down this morning after an argument with my husband. He does not want to try anymore, but I just want one more..... please I begged. He said maybe. It has been a really difficult weekend. I am confused and hurt. I don't understand why God would let this happen again. Am I supposed to only have one? I love Nate to pieces, but I want a brother or sister for him and another child for me.... is that too much to ask?

New life

I took a home pregnancy test last week and another one tonight.... I am pregnant again! I am excited, but guarded. I am so happy for the prospect of new life and being able to hold a little one. I wanted my boys Andrew and Aaron so badly, but it was not meant to be. I know they are playing with other babies that have passed in heaven and waiting for daddy and mommy to get there. I welcome this little one into my heart, but am having a really hard time letting myself love this new child. I am afraid he or she will pass as well and I will be hurt again. I will just have to see how it goes. I am hoping all goes well and this little bundle will join our family here on earth. I think of my boys every day and miss them so much. I hope they are looking out for this little one too.